Playing Devil’s Advocate: What’s your solution?

I’m sure that many of you who also read Lew have seen the recent blog post about David Horowitz. For those who don’t have the stomach to get through the tripe that Horowitz has spewed onto his website let me give you a break down:  Muslisms = Bad, Israel = Good, Ron Paul = Crazy Jew Hater. I think that pretty much sums up Mr. Horowitz’s arguments, though certainly feel free to elaborate in the comments here if you’re so inclined.

But I’m not here today to take on David Horowitz; his craziness speaks for itself. What I’m here today to ask is, “Okay, only for the sake of argument, let’s say you’re right (though you’re not).  What are your solutions?”

Of course, this question can be asked to any of the neocon chickenhawks who believe that Islam is inherently evil, that it is a political system and not a religion, and that its sole purpose is to take over the world and establish a global caliphate. Many of these people will drone on and on about how they stone women to death, that they might be planning a new holocaust, and mainly that they just want to kill everyone who isn’t Muslim. However there is very few who will actually tell you how we stop the supposed “Muslim Menace.”  So let’s take a journey down their twisted logic and see where it ends up.

Today there are roughly 1.57 billion people in the world that claim to be Muslim. It is the second largest religion; only Christianity has more adherents. So if we are to believe that each one of these 1.57 billion hates America for its freedoms and Israel because it is Jewish, then something needs to be done.  After all, already an estimated 2 to 7 million people claiming to be Muslim live in America, so time is of the essence.

So how can you stop the so-called madness? Well the first thing we need to do, if Islam is a political system and not a religion, is have another McCarthy style inquery into the infiltration of the Islamic system into our government and media. So everyone who is a Muslim must be purged from their positions of information or authority, because they must be simply trying to gain influence over all Americans. Remember, even if they claim good intentions and have no history of violence, it could simply just be them lying to the infidels, which is permitted by the Quran. A blacklist of actors, writers, and news pundits must be created to prevent them from being able to influence the American people in anyway. Newspapers and websites will have to be investigated to make that they are not giving out pro-Islamic media.

Now that Muslims have been purged from the government we must make sure they have the ability to gain any power over us again, so we must simultaneously end Islamic suffrage. As long as they can vote and run for office we can never be safe from Muslims re-assuming roles of power. Currently many states don’t include your religion on your state-issued ID, so from now on you must declare your religion at the time of issuance. You must also show this ID when looking to vote or be involved in any public event — otherwise how can we be sure that Muslims aren’t trying to subvert the process?

Of course, as neocons contend, Muslims will lie to achieve their goals, so we have to make sure when someone gets this ID that they are telling the truth. Therefore, for our safety, we must do lengthy background checks and full searches of all of one’s property. Should we find a Quran when they stated they are Christian, then they should be arrested for fraud and treason, because Islam is inherently against the US, so the lie indicates that this person is actively aiding and abetting our known Muslim enemies. Of course, to be fair, these searches must be done for everyone and continue randomly at different times throughout all our lives so we don’t miss any new converts to Islam.  To do this we must repeal the 4th Amendment; we can’t let 200-year old ideas get in the way of our defense against a 1000-year old enemy. 

Unfortunately, many people are very fond of their beliefs and would still refuse to renounce them. To make sure we know where Muslims are, so that we know who to avoid when walking down the streets, perhaps we should force them to wear a symbol of their religion on their jackets. A simple yellow crecsent moon could be produced cheaply and given to these people. With all the money we’ve spent on investigations and searches, we can’t really afford to print T-Shirts that say “I’m a Muslim,” so this simple crescent moon badge should be effective enough. We must also make sure they are wearing them so those who refuse must be tried for treason, because if they refuse then its obvious that they are simply trying to subvert America.

With all the Muslims required to wear these badges, many people will not want to hire them or even conduct business with them. Who really wants to be seen as a “Muslim sympathizer”? Your business could be hurt, and the government may have a few questions about where your loyalty stands. So to allow these people to do anything we must set apart certain sections of towns and force them to move there. Through eminent domain the government could take land and set up tight small Muslims communities. Of course many would not want to go there, but after a while of not being able to buy food or walk down the streets without being harassed they might see things otherwise.

These communities, however, will have many problems because now the people will know where all the Muslims live. Of course we don’t want anything bad to happen to these Muslims per se, but there will always be some radicals that will try to carry out their agenda and overtly harm these people. So for their own safety, perhaps, instead of moving people to these small, integrated urban communities, we should instead send them to say a more rural camp-like setting. In these camps food and shelter can be provided at a reduced cost. Remember, with all the investigations and transportation costs to keep us safe, its not like we can set them up at the Plaza Hotel.  We will need to keep track of everyone in the camps in a cost-effective manner, so perhaps upon entering the camp a serial number could be tattooed on their arm — or in more modern times a chip could be implanted in their hand. It’s not like we could just give them name badges; they might destroy them, or more likely switch names so we cannot know who is who. This way we can track food rations, clothing rations, and the completion of their daily assignments.

Now I’m not one for socialism, so we need to put these people to work. Ditches need to be dug, pots and pans need to be fabricated, as well as a plethora of other tasks that could be done by these people as their way of paying us back for all that we have given them. It’s not like 3 hots and a cot are free! Of course, though any money they raise could be used to further the spread of Islam and the threat of the caliphate, so they cannot keep their earnings but instead it can go back into the system to pay for what they are getting out of it.

We must also take into account that should we keep families together or even have men and women at the same camp, they might reproduce and give us another little terrorist who is only alive to bring global jihad and create a global caliphate. So men and women must be separated. Many of these Muslims will have children already, so to make sure they are not influenced by their parents we must separate them as well. Especially if we are going to be putting these people to work, it’s just easier because that way we aren’t giving children adults jobs and vice versa.

As always, we will need to monitor these camps to make sure that 1) the work is getting done 2) men and women are not secretly fraternizing and 3) no one escapes. However, of all the reason for monitoring number 3 is the most important. Anyone who tries to escape is only trying to recruit others to carry out terrorist attacks. I mean, really who would want to give up free food, free beds, and 0% unemployment if they weren’t terrorists?  Only fanatics who really want to harm the rest of America would think of trying to get out. So to prevent this, we must staff these camps with armed guards and razor wire. Of course this will act as a double edged sword, keeping America safe from the “Muslim Threat” while at the same time keeping the Muslims safe from those Americans who for some reason or another have a fanatical hatred of Muslims. A true win-win situation.

Then, to make sure that we are truly safe, we must first demand that other nations emulate our system. Otherwise how can we be sure that the Muslims aren’t just setting up their plans in some other country? If any country refuses, then we must invade them. You’re either with us or against us, as Mr. Bush so wisely put it, and with Islam being the fastest growing religion right now, we don’t have the time to negotiate. Obviously overt Islamic nations must be wiped off the face of the earth. It’s as simple as this:  Convert or die, and we don’t negotiate with terrorists. Should it lead to another World War, so be it.  We cannot sit idly by while this threat is able to gain power.

If you have made it this far, I just want to reiterate that I’m only taking the idea of “inherently threatening causes” to its logical end.  I definitely do not agree with any of the proposals I’ve made above while playing devil’s advocate. People like David Horowitz will never tell you what their line of thinking leads to, which is the same as what they claim they are trying to prevent.

So the next time you are in debate, or more likely and argument, with someone over the “Muslim Threat,” just ask them, “What is your solution?”  Because even if you think that Islam is inherently evil and that there is a global conspiracy to set up a global caliphate, unless you are willing to call for the genocide of an entire people, I see no logical solution to continuing this global War on Terror.

There are two options:  Either put down the guns and try to talk it out, or kill them all and erase them from history. Let’s just say the last time a nation chose the latter, they became what we refer to now as evil personified. Otherwise you’re just wasting time, money, and — most importantly — lives in an endless, unwinnable war.

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