We’ve come to save your economy.
“The Truth is out there,” Special Agent Fox “Spooky” Mulder used to say on the television series The X-Files as he and his partner hunted down unexplained phenomena and searched for extraterrestial life. For Paul Krugman, economic Nobel Prize recipient, the truth is way, way out there as he hunts down economic fallacies and tries to make them true.
On the Fareed Zakaria show on CNN, Krugman offered this suggestion, “If we discovered space aliens were planning to attack and we needed a massive buildup to counter the space alien threat and, really, inflation and budget deficits took secondary place to that, this slump would be over in 18 months.”
Umm, yeah. Sure, Mr. Krugman, if there were a looming space alien threat, and the world changed its production scheme to build up against this threat, maybe this slump would be over in 18 months. Apple could switch focus from producing tablets to making viruses for alien spacecrafts. The unemployed would get a boost digging underground bunkers. The IRS, unable to collect tax revenue, could re-form as the MIB. The TSA, with their expertise in the matter, could become sabatoer volunteers for alien probing. Lockheed could, well, just continue what they were already doing. I just hope the alien invaders would wait 18 months for our economic recovery before attacking.
Presumably, the recovery would turn into full blown prosperity when the aliens attack, destroying cities around the world (the bigger, the beter), various monuments and temples, and, of course, the White House. Think of the jobs programs from clean-up, to front line duty, to rebuilding, to medical staff.
Maybe this would be good for the economy.
The Farce Is Strong with Krugman
“And then if we discovered,” Krugman continued, “whoops, we made a mistake, there aren’t actually space aliens; we’d be in better…” He was cut off by Harvard economics professor Kenneth Rogoff.
Krugman says we’d be better off after the panic and terror of a false alien invasion, after production shifted from consumer and capital goods to alien defense. To put it another way, Krugman says we’d be better off with malinvestment.
Other Krugman Stimulus Ideas
Because fake alien invasions might not be enough to spark economic recovery, I’ve come up with some other stimulus ideas Paul Krugman may be interested in. First, Godzilla-proof infrastructure spending in Tokyo, that includes fire breath and claw protection. Second, a new federal bureau of 15,000 employees, Manbearpig search team (all credit goes to Al Gore). Third, the 21st century’s answer to the Hoover Dam, the massive “Dig-a-hole to China” project, courtesy of the brilliant 8 year old next door.
That’s all I got. I’ll try to come up with some more ideas later, but now I’m late for picking up neighborhood kids to throw bricks through store windows. Just doing what I can to help economic recovery.Published in